There ain't no place for a "me"

When one says, I want to Realize or get Self Realization, one is trying to objectify something out there or out here. That would mean there is something or entity apart from you that you are trying to obtain. But, you have been told repeatedly ( for anyone who has been immersed in Advaita philosophy), that you are already what you are looking for. In that case, there are two "I"s or two "me's" or two "you's", one searching for the other. Can there really be two "me's"? Does that not sound strange and illogical? On investigation, you realize that the "me" is a false entity created in the mind. There cannot be two "me's" or "you's". Because only one entity can occupy this body and make it function. Let us see who is in-charge. So, let us see what this "me" is doing in this body. Is this entity called "me" doing any effort to digest the food? Once the food is past the tongue in the mouth, who is "doing" the rest of the work? Who is giving the orders for the stomach to inject the enzymes into the stomach cavity? Who is beating the heart? Who is telling the kidneys to process the blood and remove waste ? Who is the overall Director of Body Functions? If it is a "me", can this "me" please stop the digestion at this moment since it feels like it? You get the point!! When this false "I" (also called the "I-thought" or "me") is investigated and seen to be false and removed the Real "I" comes forth.

The body being the house, two "I's" cannot occupy it at the same time. When the false "I" (the "I- thought" or the "me") is evicted then the Real "I" (or call it God, Awareness, or whatever) surfaces and claims it. As long as the false "I-thought" is occupying the house, the Real "I" just waits in the background, patiently awaiting the eviction of the "I-thought"!!

Simple questions to unravel the Answer

Anyway to make this whole search for Reality easy? Let us try another way of going about it. Forget for now any other concepts you may have. Start with a fresh clean slate of mind ( so to say).

Can I deny I exist at this moment? No way, right? Who else could be typing this message, uh? I am alive at this moment, no doubt. There is Life here and now. And the reader of this message is also alive to be able to read this message. So, no questions that Life is present here and now. Does this Life have any form or shape or color? Irrespective of your race,color, ethnicity,gender, or whatever else, life is life and one who is alive cannot deny it. So far, so good. Can I think, feel, laugh, cry, get anxious, worry, seek, find, interact, speak, listen, enjoy, or for that matter do anything or have any thoughts without LIFE? The answer is obvious!!! Without life, could I write this message? Without life, can you read this message? Without life, would you as an entity (called John Doe or Jane Doe) exist? Meaning, could you say I am John Doe/Jane Doe? Without life, would you ( John Doe or Jane Doe) be there to question all of this? Is the Life (that Divine Spark) different in an African compared to a Caucasian or an Asian? Can you see the world without being Alive? Is it not true that we all ignore the very Source of all there is and try to go around looking for some Bliss( Ananda), or an "ah- ha" moment, or some utopia and feel frustrated when we cannot find it out there? Did you choose to be alive? Did someone remind you that you are alive? Are you making any effort to digest your food, beat your heart, make the lungs breathe, circulate your blood? All of this happening because of Life. Would you agree on that principle? Why look for something that you already have? Is it not true that the very search is the source of misery? If it is not lost, how can anyone find it? It is already there!!! Just stop looking out and look right here. Turn around the finger towards your own self!!

Please ask and answer all of the above questions. Don't just read it. Now, just replace the word Life, with whatever suits your mind and you will get it even better. You like Awareness better than Life? Go ahead replace it. You like Presence Awareness better than Life? Go ahead, replace it. You like Universal Spirit or Soul? Go ahead, put whatever word you want to replace Life and yet you cannot grasp it. It will all be a play of words. If you do not get the meaning behind the words or what the words are pointing to, then it is just black ink on white paper.

Who asks the questions?

It has been the aim in posting these messages to keep the message as simple as possible, without getting mired in spiritual jargon. Forgive the writer if the above goal is not always adhered to. We will set out to answer some questions raised by a sincere seeker recently. Teaching is an art and this writer does not claim to be a master teacher. Mostly, these messages are written out of a desire to share the thoughts on the only subject worth talking about!

A seeker asks: " if after realizing there is no thing that I can see, touch, point to, or anything else that serves as a "me", there is still confusion as to who is asking the questions. Who is it that all this is happening to? There is no realization that I am all and that all is happening within me. What other realization must happen past seeing that there is a nobody there who asks? It seems like there should be an "ah ha" moment with crystal clear understanding."

That pretty much covers the entire topic of Advaita, doesn't it?!! Well, let us try to answer as best as possible. Why us and not just me? Because you are what I am. Mind you, it is consciousness speaking to consciousness. All questions arise in the mind. But don't stop there. The mind is but an instrument of expression of consciousness. Can there be a mind in the absence of consciousness? Obviously not. In that case all that is happening, is happening in consciousness. However, understand that since all is happening in consciousness, there is no question of a separate subject called "me" asking a question to another subject called "you". The "me" and the "you" are in reality only objects in consciousness assuming a false subjectivity. Therefore the knower, the knowing and the known are all one arising in consciousness. Once the falseness of the assumed subject called "me" ( John Doe or Jane Doe or Nobody) is clearly and deeply understood, then what is your identity? Without a name and form, try to describe yourself. Just try and see, even if it seems amusing. Once the false subject is uncovered, and the conviction of the knowledge is firm, no questions regarding one's true nature ever arise. The mind subsides in itself when it is exposed as having no independent existence apart from consciousness. All that remains is the feeling "I am". If all there IS, is consciousness, then is it not clear that all that is happening is happening within you and you are all there IS. If there is confusion because of the use of the word "consciousness", then call it Awareness or whatever else you want to call IT. Names and words cannot describe the infinite. How can the words which by themselves are an expression of only the finite describe the infinite? They can just be pointers to THAT.

To answer the remaining part of the questions now. When the window to a dark room is opened the sunlight fills the entire room all at once. The darkness is dispelled instantly. In the same manner, when the light of Knowledge strikes the darkness (ignorance) vanishes immediately. All becomes clear. Many a seeker in deep meditation will come to a point where he/she experiences a "void" or "emptiness" or a "blank". But it becomes immediately clear that there is Awareness of the "void"/"emptiness" and therefore you cannot be the void or emptiness. The void or emptiness are but still objects to that Awareness. Pure Awareness, beyond concepts is your true nature and although it cannot be grasped by the intellect, it can certainly be known to be as such. It becomes clear that one cannot know IT, one can only BE IT. There is no other realization other than knowing that there is no subject other than the only Subject - call it Pure Awareness if you like. The mind tries to classify and objectify everything. But all objects are in the realm of space and time. Space and time itself are concepts in the mind. So, how is it possible for the mind to objectify that which is beyond space and time ( spaceless and timeless, so to say)? When one sticks to words and imagines the words as Reality itself then there is a problem in understanding. Remember, the words are only pointers to that Reality which is beyond any description.

Just consider this. Even without ever having read this message or any other message on Advaita, you still exist. Without any thoughts, you still exist. When thoughts are, you are. When thoughts are not, you still ARE. Is it not clear that irrespective of what you think or feel, your true nature still remains untouched and ever present. Until the seeker finds himself/herself to be just a concept like any other concept, the search continues. Nothing wrong with that. Even after Realization, the journey continues.

First, find your own self

The question frequently posed by many is "what and how did you realize or get this understanding?". Firstly, remember that you are trying to find your own Self. The equipment or instruments of manifestation of the ONE are many. Each manifested entity has its own set of attributes. Based on its attributes, each manifested instrument will experience the same object differently. Therefore, when one "experiences" the Truth, it is likely to be different from another one "experiencing' the same Truth. Therefore, do not worry about what" experience" or absence of experience another person had. Just worry about your own self. First, with single mindedness, investigate who you are, before you question about anybody else. (Explanation: Because of difficulties of expression in words, the liberty of using words in different manner has been taken here. Despite that, hopefully the message gets through).

When one expects one who has realized to behave in a particular manner, it contradicts the very notion of perfect freedom. Freedom from predictability. Again, behaviour is based on the combination of the basic three attributes (sattva, tamas, and rajas). The realized one knows for sure that he/she is neither the body nor the mind and is oblivious to the actions of the body-mind. In the Absolute state, nothing has ever happened. All happening is in the realm of consciousness. The Absolute is prior to consciousness.

Prior to I AM

Prior to this knowledge of existence (the knowledge that I Am), what was I? This I Am is not eternal and since it has come it must go. That leads one to question as to where it arises from? All these questions are a result of the presence of I am. So, hanging on to the I am, is the way of going to its source. The I am is the doorway to the very source. In the journey backwards ( so to speak), the investigation should continue. No one else can do the investigation. It must be done by the one seeking the knowledge. If one tells the seeker that it is so and so, it becomes an object in the imagination of the seeker. The seeker then gets enmeshed in a myriad of complex concepts that are created in the mind and gets totally lost. What is pointed to is beyond any description or attributes and hence the need to investigate personally. It is best to stay with the very subtle message, I am, and undeniably it will lead one to its source.

What was I prior to the birth of this body-mind entity?

These postings are for the advanced seekers of the Self. The fact that they even investigated and sought out these postings indicates the sincerity in their effort. Strangely, when the answer is found, it will come as a surprise that the very entity "the seeker" was false construct of the mind and what they were actually seeking is already and always present here and now. The seeker becomes the sought.

These postings are not the intellectual property of any individual. There is no copyright on this knowledge. This knowledge is available to all and in fact there is nothing new here( or anywhere). There is nothing here (or anywhere) that one can obtain or gain. Whatever you are looking for is already there in you. Once the veil of ignorance is removed, what is left is what you are looking for.

Hopefully, one has read the previous postings. If not, try to read them first, if at all possible. The investigation (vichara) can take many paths but all lead to the same end point. What was I before this form and name? Let's investigate. Before, I came to know that I am, I did not have that knowledge. Obviously, that knowledge came from somewhere or some unknown entity or non-entity. What were the properties of that unknown entity or non-entity, which was before this body-mind came into existence? I know for certain that prior to the birth of this entity called "me", I did not look, behave, feel, or appear like this body-mind entity. THAT which knows this knowledge was present before the appearance of consciousness in this entity called "me". Obviously, THAT is what this message is pointing to. Merge with THAT, the true identity.

Are we all Objects?

What we think we are is not who we really are. Let us inquire into who we really are. To make this inquiry easy, it will be necessary to make some false statements which we may have to clarify as we go along.

You, the reader, are looking at your computer screen, which is an object in your awareness. You are currently conscious of this computer screen and the matter that you are reading, both of which are objects in "your" consciousness. If the writer of this blog were to stand in front of you and speak out this matter in the form of words, you would say that the writer (or me), is an object in "your" consciousness. I ( the writer) would say the same about you. Meaning, you are an object in "my" consciousness. In that way, we can see that all the things in the world are objects in "our"( what we think as individual) consciousness. In fact, since you can see your body, it is also an object in "your" consciousness. Yes, the thoughts in your mind are also objects in "your" consciousness, since you know them. Since, I am an object in "your" consciousness and you are an object in "my" consciousness, it is a fact that we both are objects.

Now, let us see if we can identify this consciousness as having any individuality. Can there be any "your consciousness" or "my consciousness"? If so, where is the consciousness? Can it be located in the body? Obviously NOT, as the body is an object in the consciousness. Can it be located in the mind? Obviously NOT, since the mind is an object in the consciousness. Is it not true that you claim IT as yours and I do so too. Then where is IT? How can anyone call IT "my consciousness", if IT belongs to all? There is ONLY Consciousness, period. Not mine or your consciousness. It is precisely this mistaken identification which results in constant suffering and searching. What is universal, unlimited and timeless and the only ONE is taken to be personal and limited and time bound. Seeing this folly is all that is required to realize one's own True identity.

Consciousness is the ONLY Subject and all else is an object in THAT. Why can I not know the Consciousness? Well, if you try to know IT, will it not be an Object (in "your"consciousness) and therefore cannot be the Subject? The one and only Subject cannot be known, even if a "you" wants to know IT. For knowing IT, relegates it to the level of an object like all other objects and therefore cannot be the Subject. The Unknown is who we really ARE.

The notion of being a separate individual is only a thought in the mind. The mind itself is nothing but a bundle of thoughts. The mind has no separate and independent existence apart from the consciousness. The mind appears and disappears as in waking and sleep states respectively and is therefore unreal. The primary illusion is the thought "I" which appears on waking and thereafter all other thoughts are assumed to be belonging to this "I" thought.

Hope this simple message is clearly understood and once done what else is there to do and by whom? May the seeking stop on realizing this simple and open TRUTH.

Are you doing anything to BE?

What are you doing to BE? Where exactly is the question of doing something (for Realization) arising? Is it not in the mind? Is it not to a phantom entity, an object presuming subjectivity, an illusory entity that has no existence whatsoever apart from consciousness? When the nature or identity of the one who raises the question of "what should I do to Realize", is clearly and deeply understood, what is left? Where is the question of doing or undoing anything?

The next question is what about Sadhana (practice) as recommended by so many teachers. The Sadhana ( if properly understood) is not about doing something( including rituals, meditation, etc.), but about Being. Just BE.

Who am I?

Am I really only a body with a mind? Let us investigate. If I am a body with an identity, then what happens to this body when the mind is in abeyance, as in deep dreamless sleep? In deep dreamless, sleep there is no identity, no body, no mind, and yet I exist!! Who am I?

The basics of you as a body

Let us go over the core knowledge ( if it can be called that) once again. Firstly, this knowledge must not be approached from a viewpoint of an individual acquiring the knowledge. It can only be deeply and consciously understood, somewhat like a drum beat causing vibration of the body in tune with the beat, somewhat like a resonance. In the depths of Enquiry, the mind and breath become still.

Firstly, starting with what I appear to be, I must investigate backwards or regress. Keeping it simple and within the framework of the mind and concepts, would be the initial approach of an earnest seeker. A seeker with only the earnest desire to Know and not to gain anything from the knowledge. This body that I take myself to be, what is it? It is made up of cells and various other elements. Breaking it down, and going to a microscopic structure, the cells themselves are made up of atoms and molecules. The atoms and molecules are composed of various elements (yes, similar to the Periodic table of elements that you learnt in chemistry!). The elements would be oxygen( called Air by the ancients), water, various elements like carbon, iron, etc.( called Earth by the ancients). All of these are interacting in various chemical reactions all the time to create heat (or as the ancients called it "Fire"). In addition, an atom consists of neutrons and electrons and mostly space in between ( perhaps the ancients may have called it Ether or Space). In addition to these five elements, the various Gunas or attributes ( sattva, rajas and tamas) give each body a unique character. The combination of the above five elements and the gunas, in millions of permutations and combinations gives each body a unique character and nature of behaviour. Ok, What else?

Obviously, in addition to the above there are the three states of waking, dream sleep and deep sleep, and the life breath ( or Prana). There is still something more to make this body a sentient body. That is the knowledge or sense of existence, the knowledge " I am". The knowledge "I am", combined with the five elements, life breath, and the three states of waking, dream sleep and deep sleep make up this sentient body with the permutations and combinations of Gunas giving each body an unique character. In all of this, did you notice there is NO individual mentioned anywhere.

So, where did the individual come into the picture? The individual is nothing more than the thought " I am this body". It is all a story, an imaginary story of an entity, a person with a name, all being played in the mind. This story would not play if there was no sense of existence or "I am" or Life or whatever you want to call IT. The mind is nothing but a bundle of thoughts having no independent existence whatsoever apart from the "I am" or consciousness. Therefore, it becomes clear from the above discussion, that there is actually no individual. All there is, is a bundle of 5 elements, prana, the 3 gunas and the states of sleep and waking and the " I am". Where are YOU( John Doe or Jane Doe) in all of this? Think, Think again, deeply and consciously!!

The seeker needs to identify the seeker

Despite a lot of reading and "intellectual" understanding, many a seeker will still come up with the question as to what is to be done by him/her for Realization. In addition, many a seeker will also try to seek out the "experience" that a jnani may have had at the "time of realization". This attitude on part of the seeker indicates that the seeker has not yet Understood the Truth. Often, the seeker associates the state of Realization to be something better than what he/she is currently experiencing or perhaps a state of utopia. All of the above is not uncommon but should be evident to the very seeker that the Knowledge has not been deeply apperceived. Whatever is being read or heard is being assimilated as a concept at the level of the mind and hence these questions still persist.

When pulling a weed, it is essential to pull it up by the root so that it does not rise up again. In the same way, all thoughts are based on the root thought " I am the body". This is also the "ego" as it is called. The thoughts of doing some action, desires, frustrations, anger and other emotions are basically the stems and branches arising from the root thought, the "I thought" ( the thought or assumption of existence of an individual with a conviction "I am the body"). The seeker should ENQUIRE into the very identity of the one who is asking questions. Who is it that asks the question "what should I do?" or "What experience or otherwise I should have to know I have Realized?"? It is only when one enquires with sincerity and earnestness as well as with desirelessness, that one can proceed on the road of enquiry. As long as there is an intellectual conviction that one is an individual, a person, an entity that will attain Realization, there is no way that the message will get through. It is only when the identity of the root thought is clearly and deeply and consciously understood to be nothing other than a thought, that the whole structure of stem and branch thoughts collapse.

When one approaches the whole message of Advaita without any desire (desirelessness) of achieving anything, then the message is essentially very straightforward and clear and essentially very simple. Another way of putting it would be, when the intellect finally gives up the whole search (perhaps in frustration!) that the intuition takes over and everything becomes very clear, easily and without any effort. Without any effort because there is no one to make any effort!! It becomes clear that all that is happening is happening spontaneously and there is essentially no individual entity that can claim any volition. Even the happening of "realization" is spontaneous and it is by the Grace. For it is the Consciousness( or call it by whatever name you like) knowing itself. Not an entity knowing the Consciousness! An entity or individual can never know THAT. All knowledge of any entity is in the realm of consciousness, a content of the Awareness. A person would be a fool to say " I am a Realized person" ( it obviously means he/she has NOT realized!).

What I AM

What I am is pure Awareness. I am the Awareness of the various states of consciousness, the waking state(where consciousness is fully active), the dream state (where consciousness is just stirring) and the deep dreamless sleep state( where consciousness is at rest or apparently absent). I am beyond any form of conceptualization, spaceless, timeless, immutable, where there is neither beingness or no-beingness, neither presence nor the absence of presence, just the pure Subjectivity. In my True Nature where was the question of knowingness or no-knowingness? Totally unaffected, I am as I am. Neither this nor that. I abide as the Pure Awareness which is everything and yet no-thing.

Thought for today

In its quest for "enlightenment", can a false entity (called "me") ever transform itself into something "better"? Wouldn't the "better me" still be false?

Can an appearance be liberated?

Why are you reading this? The answer is "You" want something, am I correct? Well, before "you" proceed any further, the warning is that "you" will get nothing from reading this blog or for that matter any other book, blog, audio, video, related to the notion or concept of what "you" are looking for ( call it Advaita or Non-dualism etc.). This is because "you" are approaching this as an individual. Remember an individual can never ever come to know the Reality/ Truth/ Brahman or whatever else one may call THAT. Why is that? Quite obviously, because the individual is nothing but an appearance, a phenomenal object. An appearance can never know the Subject to whom it appears.

The problem with the seeker is that the seeker has been led to believe that Reality or Brahman is something that can be objectified. He/she has read or has been told that there is something or entity or state which is better or more blissful than the one that he or she is experiencing. The descriptions of this may vary and include a state of permanent bliss, emptiness, immutable, eternal, spaceless, timeless etc. All of these descriptions( or pointers) are obviously attempts to convey to the reader/seeker in the form of concepts what is really beyond conceptualization. Again, the seeker cannot but understand at the level of the mind anything that is not in the form of concepts. All concepts are based on the two pillars of space and time. Without space and time, no concept is possible. Therefore, the seeker is perplexed and confused why he/she cannot understand or attain this Knowledge. He/she has come to believe that with effort any knowledge is attainable. Then why not this Knowledge? By itself, all knowledge and understanding at the level of the mind is in the form of concepts. Therefore, what is beyond conceptualization, beyond time and space, and therefore beyond the mind, can NEVER be understood. Even logically, what is timeless cannot be essentially attained by any entity in a period of time. The thinking that one day sometime in the future, "I will attain Self-Realization", itself is a ludicrous and self defeating thought. The thought that this unbearable suffering bondage of an individual, will in some distant future (or hopefully not so distant future), be released or liberated is a myth. Is not true that an "appearance"(the phenomenal object called individual) thinking it is in "bondage" hopes to attain "liberation"? But, it is this very mis-conception, that results in the constant search. The "seeker" hopes to change this fictitious entity ( body-mind) into something better by attaining this Knowledge. Perhaps, the "seeker" hopes to emulate the sages that he/she has heard so much about in the various books and scriptures. So, the fictitious "seeker" who is in fictitious "bondage" seeks fictitious "liberation" by trying to change this fictitious entity (body-mind) or even better "go beyond" this body-mind entity!!

One day, the fictitious "seeker" realizes that the "seeker" is a fictitious entity, a concept, a character in a fictitious story and may actually laugh out loud at his/her foolishness in not realizing that the "seeker" itself is the sought and there is actually no need to seek for any one.

What can I do to Realize? How long will it take for me to know the Truth?

This is a very common question that comes to mind. As noted in the previous blogs, the root cause of all problems is the mistaken identity with this body-mind concept. Once again, let us look at this very entity that is trying to achieve realization. When it is clearly seen that the very entity(seeker) that is trying to achieve realization is a false, phantom entity, then the seeker will automatically "disappear" thereby realizing that the seeker itself is the sought.

It is only a matter of Understanding (not at the level of the mind as a concept but deep within with conviction) and seeing the false as false and the Truth becomes obvious. Seeking itself is only a thought in the mind. From the previous blogs, it should become very clear that the body mind entity is only an appearance in consciousness. There is no question of an individual, autonomous, entity with volitional control, existing apart from the consciousness. Is it not then true that an apparent seeker (the individual, who is nothing but an object, an appearance arising in consciousness) is trying to "liberate" itself from an apparent "bondage" and eventually attain Self-Realization? Once this is perceived while being conscious of perceiving (or apperceive), what else is there for "any one" to "do" anything? This apperception will also happen spontaneously without any effort on part of "any one".

You are perhaps reading this blog wanting to know your True State or Awareness. You cannot know what "you" are wanting to know ( the non-conceptual Awareness). One can only BE it. You already are what you are seeking. Comprehension at the level of the mind is only in the form of conceptualization. All concepts are based on the premise of space and time. What we are talking about is non-conceptual Awareness. How can the timeless be known in a matter of time? Can the eternal be known in a few years or months, if "you do" certain physical or mental disciplines? Isn't that itself a ludicrous assumption? Is it not obvious now that the "seeker" is another concept in the mind that wants a conceptual knowledge of the non-conceptual Awareness? Is this endeavor ever going to be successful? Think about it. Is it not better to focus the energy on establishing the reality of the entity called "seeker" and find that it is a false, phantom, entity with no substance whatsoever independent of the consciousness?

In brief, any discipline or activity done for any length of time will not yield the final "goal", since the final "goal" is already here and now. Nothing has been done by a "you" to be present here and now. All disciplines like meditation, japa ( recitation of a mantra), etc. are only to purify the mind to accept this final answer with certainty and conviction that there is no "you". So, just BE as you already ARE.

Awareness and its contents

What I am is pure Awareness. I will use the word Awareness or Presence-Awareness as it reduces the conceptualization to a large extent and makes understanding easier. Since my True Nature is beyond conceptualization, there is no way for it to be described in words.

Let us take another analogy here. There is space all around. In this room where this computer sits are multiple other objects including furniture items, lamps, books and other objects. All of these objects are contents of space. Remove the objects and the space is unaffected and unchanged. The space in the room is no different than the space outside the room, right? Space is space and cannot be given a name or form.

In the same way, there is Awareness and contents of Awareness. Ponder over this carefully. All the objects that one is aware of are contents of the awareness. I am aware of the body and the mind, and therefore it is a content of awareness and not awareness itself. Whatever, I am aware of cannot be me, since it is the content of awareness. I cannot say I am aware of awareness, since that would objectify the "awareness" (i.e. make it the content of awareness) and cannot be the awareness. Therefore I am simply Awareness- That which has no attributes of its own.

From the above discussion, is it not true that the "seeker" has been identifying (mistakenly) with the objects of Awareness, rather than abiding as the Awareness!

I am not what I appear to be

The title says it all. Let's analyze this statement. Let us keep this simple and not get dragged into a metaphysical discussion. For anything to appear, there has to be someone to whom it appears. That is, the object is an appearance (or perception) in some entity's mind. When I say, I see an apple, I mean that the apple is perceived by my mind. Meaning, the apple is an "appearance" in the mind. Now, if I am in deep dreamless sleep and the apple is on the table, would I be able to perceive it? Not at all, since the mind is in abeyance in deep dreamless sleep. The apple is still there though ( but I would not know it unless I wake up- that is unless consciousness returns to the body!!)

Can the mind be there without consciousness? Not at all, for the mind is fueled by the consciousness. A dead man has no consciousness and therefore no mind and therefore cannot perceive the world. Consciousness can also be equated with the sense of presence or "I am". Therefore, without the "I am" or consciousness there is no mind and as a result thereof, no perceptions of the world of objects, emotions or thoughts is possible. So, would it not be fair to say that all that is perceived ( i.e. objects, thoughts, emotions, feelings) is an "appearance" in consciousness. Yes, the perception occurs through the sensorial apparatus called body-mind. The body is also an object that is perceived by the mind and hence would be an appearance in consciousness. It becomes clear from the above simple discussion, that what I appear to be ( this psychosomatic apparatus called body-mind) is not who I really am. Instead, the body is just an appearance in consciousness, just like the rest of the world. The body is therefore like any other object out there. Again, it is clear that what we think we are is a case of mistaken identity!!

Going further, the objects that appear cannot affect the substratum on which they appear. Let's take an example of a television. The various images appear on the television screen. The image of a raging fire does not "burn" the screen!! The image of water does not "wet" the television screen. Indeed when the images stop appearing on the screen altogether, the screen is still unaffected and remains the same. Taking this analogy, the screen is the consciousness on which the various images appear. They however do not affect consciousness and it remains "pure and untainted". In the same way, another analogy can be made about the sky being unaffected by the clouds (large, small, dark, light or whatever type of clouds). The sky remains as an unaffected and unchanging witness to the changing and moving clouds. You ARE the unchanging, unaffected witness to the changing world including the changing body and mind ( which you mistakenly call "my body and mind"!!). You cannot deny this statement if you carefully contemplate on it. You know your body and you know it has changed over the years. You know your mind and know its contents including its changing emotions, feelings, thoughts. Aha!! So, you ARE the unchanging observer or witness of the changing body and mind. Simple. Keep it simple.

I am neither the body nor the mind

A few weeks ago, I wrote on the issue of Subject-Object relationship and how this can clarify the reality of who one really, really is. For example, when one says "my car", it implies that the "my" is the subject or the knower and the car is the object or known. In the same way, when one says "my chair or my desk", it is obvious that the "my" is the subject (let us call it "I") and the chair or the desk is the object (let us call it "not-I"). How about when one says "me body"? The "my" is the "I" and the body is the object "not-I". The same with "my mind", the "my" is the subject "I" and the mind is the object "not-I". It is obvious that "I" knows this body and also know the mind, the thoughts, the feelings of sadness or happiness, the emotions of anger etc. Therefore, the body, the mind, the thoughts, emotions, feelings are the known , the objects( not-I), which are known to this Subject "I". If the mind and body are not me, then who and where is the subject "I"?

Is it not obvious that this "I" which is the same nameless, shapeless, formless, undescribable, universal "I" , has been mistakenly identified with the body-mind apparatus to give rise to the false concept called "me"? What is obviously nameless and formless and unlimited, has been falsely assumed to have a name(Robert or whatever) and form( the body) and therefore limited. Is it not obvious that the Real I, has been modified by the mind to create a false"I" identified with the body and mind? As noted above, the body and mind are "not-I". All that is needed is an earnest desire to know the true nature of one's own self and the riddle is solved. It is indeed very simple and yet very difficult for many because of the very prolonged conditioning of the mind which is responsible for the false identity. When the mind is dormant as in deep dreamless sleep, where is the question of an identity with the body? Just enquire into " who am I' or "where did I come from?" and discover the true identity. It will literally blow "you" away! That is Liberation, the absence of an entity to be liberated.

The false "seeker"

After this knowledge of "I am" came about, I then identified myself with this body and mind. Thereafter, started the suffering for this entity that is called "me". It is obvious that both the body and the mind are subject to significant changes. The mind itself is always jumping from one topic to another- also called the "monkey mind" since it jumps from one object to another- always restless. It is only during moments of extreme happiness or life threatening fear that the mind is temporarily "fasting" or stilled. In that stillness, there is peace.

The "I am" is the primary concept followed by the " I am the body" concept and thereafter came "my world" and associated concepts. Years later, when the objects of perception would not bring any lasting peace, this entity called "me" became a "seeker"- a "seeker" of peace and started practicing hatha yoga initially and subsequently went deeper into the philosophy of Raja Yoga. Despite meditative practices which gave a temporary state of peace, it was always the return to "my world" which was inevitable, which resulted in the loss of the peace. As a result, the entity called "me' was once again submerged in the problems associated with life in the world.

For no reason whatsoever, the inner Sadguru guided this entity called "me" to the eternal Knowledge laid out by Nisargadatta Maharaj, Shankaracharya, and Ramana Maharishi. Initially, the entity called "me" was hoping to obtain something from their teachings, so that one day sometime in the future, the "me" would be "liberated (moksha)" or "enlightened" or "Self-realization (whatever that meant)" and then there would be no more problems of life and neither its ups and downs. It would be all an utopia.

But the inner Sadguru had better plans for this "me"!! It became obvious that the "seeker" was just another concept among the many concepts. The "seeker" that the entity called "me" thought it was, wanted something that it did not have- the peace, enlightenment, etc. But the "seeker" itself was transient as its appearance depended entirely on consciousness. The "seeker" or the "me" could not claim to have any substance of independent nature whatsoever, apart from the consciousness. The "seeker" or the entity called "me", was after all an appearance or an object like all other objects in consciousness. The entity called "me" was actually just a concept in the mind and it was impossible to find it anywhere.

Upon further investigation, it became very clear (to "no-one" really) that what is actually the universal and the only Subject was creating this phantom object called "me"( identified with the body-mind psychosomatic apparatus) as an appearance in Itself (consciousness) and this object was similar to all other objects ( humans, animals, trees, stones, the world itself). The consciousness had, for lack of a better term, misidentified itself with the body-mind psychosomatic apparatus, thereby falsely creating this entity called "me", which assumed the mantle of being the subject which was perceiving the objects other than itself. This resulted in a false "me" being apart from "you", "him", "her", "them" etc. That was obviously the cause of lot of suffering, since this "me" felt isolated from the rest of the world. The world was a threat to the "me" as it was the "other". The "me" had to somehow protect its interests against what it perceived as "others". With the dropping off of the false entity called "me", the "seeker" became the sought. The "seeker" itself was a false entity, a concept, and all the search was going on in the mind!

In the absence of the "me", there is just pure being. I cannot be this or that, I can only BE.

Why do the investigation?

Words are themselves an expression in duality. Therefore words by themselves can never describe the One Reality. They can at best be pointers to That. The Guru in whatever form may at best be the guide and point to the Reality. But the eventual "journey" must be done by the one wanting to realize his own Self. When a person is ill, he is the one who has to take the medicine. If someone else takes the medicine for you, it is of no use to you. Same way, if you are hungry, you have to eat the food to satisfy the hunger. Therefore, the investigation into one's own reality has to be done by himself. No one else can do it for him/her. Reading all the scriptures, or books on Advaita Vedanta, attending the sessions of a physical Guru are only guides and pointers to the Truth. Only by personal investigation, driven by an earnest desire, can one discover the Truth or the Reality of one's own true nature.

Who is the "my"?

Continuing on the investigation into the real subject, when one speaks of "my body" or "my mind", it is obvious that the "my"indicates the subject and the "body" is the object. The "my" is the knower of the object "body" or the "mind". From this simple discussion, logically neither the body nor the mind is the "me". Then who is this "me"? Ponder over this and really, really explore within to seek out the "me".

Can your true identity be conceptualized?

When investigated, the mind is nothing but a bundle of thoughts. It has no independent existence whatsoever apart from the consciousness. The mind can only conceptualize anything in terms of space and time. Every object that is conceived must occupy space and must be present for a duration of time for it to be conceived by the mind. The absence of conceptualization is the absence of space and time. In deep dreamless sleep, there are no thoughts and there is no identity whatsoever. You are essentially a no-thing and yet you still are for you wake up in the morning and immediately can say "I am". By knowing that you are a no-thing, is it not the absence of conceptualization? Therefore, is it not true that conceptualization is possible only in the presence of consciousness? If so, is it not absurd for the mind which is itself an object in consciousness, to try to conceptualize the consciousness? Is it possible for the eye to see itself? How can an object see the subject? If so, the object would be the subject itself!! The shadow can never know the substance of which it is the shadow!!

Your true identity, which is Awareness ( or whatever word you want to give it, it does not matter) is beyond conceptualization because all concepts are an appearance in Awareness.

To put it simply, the world is an appearance in the mind, which in turn cannot but have any independent existence apart from the consciousness, which in turn is but a reflection of Awareness.

Identifying the false Subject called "me"

Today, let me talk about the false subject called "me". Let me give some basic fundamentals. All perception of the outside world occurs through the senses, which must be interpreted by the mind before they can be cognized. Cognition itself is not possible without consciousness. Therefore, all perception is but an appearance in consciousness. What an average person considers as "real" is anything that is perceptible through the senses of vision, touch, taste, hearing etc.. The body is perceptible and is considered as "real". But, as discussed above it is the mind that must interpret the perceptible object before it can be perceived and mind itself cannot be( or exist) without consciousness. Therefore can the body be anything apart from an appearance in consciousness and can it be called "real"?

Going further, let us analyze this further. Investigation into the nature of "I" could be done by a logical process of looking at what is the subject-object relationship. For instance, you see a table from where you are sitting. The table is the object and you are the subject. Let us call the table the "not-I"( the object) and you are the "I" (the subject). If the object is removed the subject still remains. If the table is removed you (the "I") are still there. In this vein, at this very moment can you see and know the existence of your body? Of course, yes. You know you have a body. In that case, you are the "I" and the body is the "not-I"( the object). In the same way, you know your mind, you know your thoughts, you know your feelings etc. You ("I") are the subject and the mind, thoughts, feelings are the "not-I" (the objects). Therefore you ( the "I") are neither the body nor the mind or any of the other emotions. If you say there is another "I" (subject) that knows the "I" then you are objectifying the subject "I". Therefore the Subject "I" can never be subject to objectification. It is clear that the "I" can never be known but one can only be it. There can be only One Subject and that is the "I". The "I" is the same in all of us.

Then why do we consider ourselves as different individuals? All objects are cognized in consciousness and this includes the body-mind entity. You know you are. You know you exist. The consciousness is the cognizer. Everything is an object that is cognized by the consciousness. The cognizer-object ( that is the body-mind entity) falsely thinks of itself as the Cognizer and falsely perceives all others as cognized-objects and therefore different and apart from it. In reality, however, the cognizer-object and the cognized-objects are both objects in consciousness. It is this false identity with the cognizer-object ( the "me") that results in suffering. Once, this is clearly apperceived essentially by "no-one", the false identity (the "me") falls away effortlessly. All that you really are is the non-conceptual Awareness, which is your true identity.

The False "Me"

Was I really born? If so, how come I did not experience my birth? I had no knowledge of my own birth. I did not choose my parents either. The exact time of my conception was also not decided by my parents. I was told by my parents that I was born on so and so date.I was given a name and was told that the familiar individuals who took care of me were my parents. I did not know who I was. I only was conscious of the surrounding world without ever considering (my) body as a separate entity apart from the world that it existed. I did not question the existence of the world or for that matter the body itself. Everything was happening spontaneously and there was no "me" to question or judge anything. Slowly over the course of time, my parents and society conditioned this no-entity to believe that the body was an entity that they gave a name to. I was called by a name and when I responded to the sound, I was rewarded with a smile or a caress. Soon, I came to believe that I am the body and the thoughts and feelings belong to me. I began to see the world as separate from me. As the years passed by the conditioning only strengthened and along with it came the various judgements about everything in the world. I was told a list of things to do and not to do. I was told what was right and what was wrong based on my parents and society expectations.

Over the years this same psycho-somatic entity that I called "me" assumed various identities. I was initially a little boy, then a student, then a college graduate, then an employed worker, then a husband and later a father. Along with all of these changing identities, came the physical changes in the body and the mind, which I called my body and my mind. I identified myself with this body and mind and suffered along with it. I associated myself with the various thoughts, feelings, expressions as my own. Because of my feeling of separation from the world outside, I had fear of the world and wanted the world to conform to my conditioned and narrow definitions of good and bad. When things did not happen the way, I wanted them to happen, I suffered from anxiety and anguish. I somehow felt that I should be able to control the surrounding environment to my liking and thereby avoid any psychological pain. But despite all my efforts the world still produced surprises sometimes to my pleasure and sometimes bringing me pain and sorrow. I accepted these changing identities without ever questioning as to which one of these various identities is the real me. The real should never change. But, I could easily confirm my changing physical appearance, my feelings, thoughts, emotions, senses and physiological processes. I also was under the belief that what is perceivable to the senses is real. So, who was the real me? The student, the worker, the husband, the father, the happy man, the sad man, the anxious man, the upset man, the smiling man, the angry man? Who could I call the real me, the one who has remained unchanged all through these 40 odd years?

Upon investigation guided by my inner Guru, the Sadguru in all of us, the answers appeared spontaneously. The first clarity came that there is actually no entity called "me". In fact, all along, I had falsely assumed that the body and mind were me. The only unchanging fact throughout the 40 odd years was the sense of existence or the "I am". Undeniably, I always knew that I existed. This Knowledge remained unchanged always. Somewhere around 18 months or 2 years of age, I came to know I am. Since, then the sense of I am never left. It was the additional identities that were added to the I am, which kept on changing. First, I am a student. Later, I am a college graduate. Later, I am a employed worker. Later, I am a husband. In all of these assumed identities, the unchanging was the I am. Therefore, I am that by which I know I am. Or to put it bluntly, I am that I am. I am not this or that but just the I am.

So, where did this I am come from. I did not invite it. It came spontaneously to me. Surely, I was there before the knowledge of I am came to me. Who was I then? What was my identity in the womb? What was my identity even prior to that?