Acceptance of What Is

As quoted in this blog in the past, the death of someone you love or know is an opportunity to solve this puzzle of who you are. A friend of this author recently passed away and hence this post. One must question " who is it that passed away?". The body is still there in the coffin - so how come everyone says "he is no longer here"? You must question " where did he go?" and "for someone to go, it is evident that he came from somewhere in the first place - where?". And, so on and so forth, the questioning and inquiry must continue until a satisfactory answer comes to you. Before you set forth on investigating someone else, is it not essential to investigate your self? So, let us look at who you are.

Your story started after the knowledge "I am" arose spontaneously. Thereafter the knowledge "I am" became associated with the body and the various thought processes - continuously changing the identity based on the thoughts and feeling and emotions. As a result, there is now a concept that there is actually "an entity" that somehow can change situations that arise spontaneously. This entity is who you think you are. Situations that are interpreted by this entity as pleasant are pursued with the hope that the feelings of pleasantness or happiness will endure without an end. On the other hand, situations that are interpreted and perceived by the mind as being unpleasant are attempted to be changed so that they may either disappear altogether or altered to make it more pleasant.

This roller coaster ride of ups and downs in feelings, emotions, and thoughts is what one considers unacceptable. As a result, this "entity", lets call it "me", then tries hard to change what is essentially normal into something that fits with his or her concept of what should be. Changing what is to what should be. What should be is based on the concepts of each individual entity. Some entities may pray to a God asking for a change to make the situation pleasant or to make it go away. Others may obsess about the situation endlessly, coming up with various new ideas  on how to change the situation. Still others may simply want to forget about the unpleasant situation and resort to various practices including using drugs or alcohol or indulging in material excesses or bodily pleasures or other diversions. Despite all of these, the situation still persists or changes of its own will. If it changes according to one's desires, there may be the false assumption that it was because of what one did to change it. If however the situation does not change according to one's desires, then there is a tendency to blame someone or something for it. One goes through this same cycle innumerable times. But the idea that this entity called "me" is somehow still in control of all the thoughts, feelings and emotions, and thereby the situations that give rise to these, remains.

In all of these changing situations, one is more obsessed about the thoughts and feelings and the situation itself rather than the one who is aware of them. One thereby fails to analyze the fact that everything is just happening in awareness. Happening without a subject or an object. Just happening. When the analysis is complete, one will always reach the conclusion that all that is happening is just happening and the best answer is acceptance of what is. There is no one and nothing to change. Just accepting. Yes, and that includes accepting experiencing the loss of someone close to you as an inevitable event among the many events in what one often calls "my life".

The Self and I - The practice of Self Inquiry

The practice of Self Inquiry is recommended as a practical approach to Self Realization. However, to the seeker, although it may seem as a simple practical method, it presents many doubts and difficulties. When one starts out on the journey of discovery of one's own self, the biggest obstacle is the conditioned mentality that the self is something other than "I' or "me"(this mind-body entity which we call "I"). Is the self to be explored as we would any objective thing? Is the self something other than the one who is exploring? In that case, who is the one exploring the self? What exactly is the meaning of inquiry into the self?  When I say, "I" does it denote the self or the ego?

To understand, it would be appropriate to use the well known story of the Snake and the Rope. For those of you who are wondering what the story is all about, we will have a brief version of the story presented here. There are perhaps many versions of the story but hopefully this serves the purpose.

The Snake and the Rope Story: In ancient India, a peasant after having finished his work in the fields was heading back home. The walk back home was through the fields. There was just one narrow path back home and no other path available. It was late in the evening and the sun had set leaving just enough light in the sky to barely be able to make out the path ahead. As this tired peasant was walking along the path, he noticed something in his path ahead. It was coiled up object on the ground. He immediately panicked thinking it is a poisonous snake and started running in the opposite direction. Another man was also walking along the same path a few hundred feet behind the peasant. He had an oil lamp in hand to guide him along the path as it was fairly dark by now. He saw the peasant running towards him and asked him the reason for his panic. When the peasant explained to him that there was a snake lying curled up right in the middle of the path, the man with the lamp calmed him down and suggested they take a closer look at the object on the ground before deciding what to do next. The peasant readily agreed to this suggestion. They decided to take a wooden stick along with them just to be safe. and they both headed back down the path to the spot where the coiled up object was on the ground. They approached it very carefully holding the lamp up front for better visibility. As the lamp cast its light on the object, it became obvious that it was just a coiled up piece of rope. There was actually no snake and the peasant had obviously mistaken the rope for a snake in the dim light of dusk. Feeling foolish at his false assumption, the peasant thanked the man with the lamp and they both headed along the path.

The ego is none other than the self. The self is the only reality and there is none other than the self. In non-duality, there is no place for duality. Consciousness comes into existence only by grasping a form . It can flourish only by grasping to a form or body. The consciousness (chit) when aware of the body attaches itself to the body and creates the notion of the first person "I am this body". This notion of being a person, or first person, is the ego. As Bhagawan Ramana Maharshi says, "the ego is the knot (granthi)that binds the consciousness (chit) to the non-conscious(jada -the body)". Hence, the ego is none other than the consciousness attached to the body and thoughts(mind)-the adjuncts.

The ego is like the snake in the rope. The rope is the reality and the snake is the appearance (on the substratum of the rope). When looked for carefully, the ego disappears, just like the snake disappears when looked for in the rope.The snake like the ego is a delusion, an imagination, which does not really exist other than as a thought. Whereas the rope is like the self, the reality, on which the appearance of the snake has come about. The ego cannot be without the self. The self however IS, regardless of the ego being present or absent. Without the rope there is no question of a mistaken appearance of the snake.

When inquiring "who am I?", the attentiveness should be directed ONLY to the "I" portion of the "I am so and so" or "I am the body".  It does not matter whether the seeker is thinking this "I" is the self or the ego. As noted above, the ego and the self are the one and the same. If inquiring into the "I" as the ego, then one is inquiring as to where the "I" came from. When one is inquiring into the "I" as the self, then one is inquiring into the nature of the "I", since the self does not have a source and does not arise from somewhere. Self inquiry is none other than self-attentiveness. Self attentiveness is none other than attentiveness to our very being. And being is itself none other than attention or consciousness or awareness of existence (sat-chit)

It is now obvious that the aim of practice of Self-Inquiry is to gradually destroy this false notion of being some body and to repeatedly bring our attention back to who we really, really, are i.e. just this being. With repeated and constant practice, one does not fall prey to the delusion of being so and so. The delusion continues as long as the inquiry is done with an impure mind (just like the snake appears only in the dim light). However, when looked at in the presence of a pure mind, the light of the lamp (Knowledge) destroys the false appearance of a snake (Ignorance) and thereby exposes the rope (Reality).

Why You Are NOT The Body - Part 1

You have always believed yourself to be the body. That is one of the primary reasons for your suffering. You have falsely assumed the identity of being the body. Yet, when you carefully analyze this question of whether you really are the body, you will be amazed by the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. There are two ways of being convinced about the answer to any question. One way is when someone shows you the answer and the other way is for you to discover the answer your self. In the case of established falsehood, the second method is the only way to expose the falsehood. Therefore, it is absolutely essential for you to discover yourself that you are NOT the body.  No amount of convincing by anyone else will make you realize the false identity you have accepted i.e. "I am the body".

While there are infinite pointers to why you are not the body, we will discuss a few of them and hopefully that will trigger the process of discovery for the one who is reading this essay. Let us begin by assuming you are the body, since you have been fully ingrained into believing this so far.

If indeed you are the body,  what material part of the body are you? Meaning, are you the water which compromises approximately 70% of the body, or are you the various minerals including carbon, iron, calcium, magnesium etc.? Or are you the oxygen or air that fill up the lungs and is carried by the blood? Or are you the space that is in between the cells and fills up the crevices of the interior of the body? Can you find yourself anywhere in particular in this material structure called the body? If so, where and which specific material can you call your self to be?  Confused? Good! That is why it is necessary to start the process of discovery and hunt down this entity called "me" or "I" in this body that you want to identify with. You must find your self. 

You start objecting after you listen to the above, and that is understandable. So, let us look at it from another angle. So, who is reading this article right now? Your answer would be " I am reading, naturally".  All right, since you have already confirmed that you are the body, can you please answer which material part of the body is the one which is reading? Is it the carbon, water, oxygen, space or is it the iron, magnesium, potassium or zinc? Oh, the whole body is reading it? Is it the eyes that are reading it and if so, could the eyes placed in a bowl of formalin actually read? Obviously, the hands and feet or the trunk cannot be reading. Can't be the whole body in that case. Let us perhaps narrow it down a little more. Perhaps it is the brain. Really? The brain is also composed of the same material as the rest of the body with the exception that there is more water in the brain. Once again could it be the water or the carbon doing the reading?  Can inanimate materials really see and read, comprehend, speak, hear or perceive? If not, then please answer who or what is it that does the act of perception, hearing, speaking or seeing. You get the drift of where this is going. If you really want to discover your self, you MUST answer and convince yourself regarding the questions and answers.

Not convinced yet? OK, then let us argue from a different angle. Remember, every one has his own way of doing things. You own this computer on which you are reading this message. If anyone asks you, whose computer is it? You answer, "my computer". There is you - the owner or one who is possessing the computer. And, there is the computer - the object that is possessed. In the same manner, if someone asks you, "whose body is it?". You answer, "my body". Again, the same conclusion. There is you - the owner of the body or one who possesses the body. And, there is the body -the object possessed.  The owner cannot be the one that is owned.  So, you have to figure out -"who is the owner"?

Anyway, one can go on and on about why you are NOT the body. It is pointless going on putting it all down on paper. Unless one can be convinced after self-questioning or self inquiry, one can go around in circles and make this whole discussion into an endless conversation piece. One must ask one's own self and figure it out. Go figure!

"Who am I?" is Not a Mantra

Seeker:  You say that I am the consciousness and not the body. Should I keep repeating "I am the consciousness" or should I keep saying to myself " Who am I"?

Advaitin:  There are many paths to the essentially path-less Truth. If you have complete and earnest faith in the sayings of the Guru, then nothing else need be done other than accepting his/her sayings. With this acceptance comes automatic surrender of the ego. With the surrender of the ego, the Truth shines forth spontaneously. Do not forget that the Truth is self-shining and always present. It is only the ignorance of the ego-mind that hides or covers up the obvious Truth. Once the ego has surrendered completely and wholly to the Guru, then nothing else need be done. The Grace takes over from where the seeker has full faith in the teachings of the Guru.

However, many a seeker will not be satisfied with the above methodology. The ego being so heavily conditioned over the years, a lot of questions and doubts keep popping up in the mind. For such a seeker, self inquiry is the only way to sort out the false from the Truth. One can only know objectively the false. You can only know what you are not. The Truth is known only as an intuitive knowledge. Questioning "who am I" is not a mantra to be repeated endlessly. It is a process of elimination of the false- the elimination of what you are not! Once, all the false has been eliminated, the Truth is laid bare. It is like removing the contamination from cloudy water and immediately the reflection of your self is visible in the pure water. Once the mind has been cleared of all impurities (the false identifications and false concepts), the Truth/ Self shines in it spontaneously. Once the Knowledge is clearly apperceived, where is the need to go on investigating? Once the culprit is found, the police does not keep the investigation open, does it?  You know you are a man or a woman. Do you keep repeating to yourself, " I am a man" or "I am a woman"? So, where is the question of repeating " I am the consciousness" to yourself? Such repetition is nothing but another form of mental conditioning. It defeats the whole purpose which is to destroy mental conditioning and mental concepts. Yes, an apparent process of continued self- investigation must be continued until firm conviction of the nature of the Self is established and the realization of one's True Nature is firm.

In the absence of any concepts, you ARE. Stay as you ARE.

The False "Me"

Was I really born? If so, how come I did not experience my birth? I had no knowledge of my own birth. I did not choose my parents either. The exact time of my conception was also not decided by my parents. I was told by my parents that I was born on so and so date.I was given a name and was told that the familiar individuals who took care of me were my parents. I did not know who I was. I only was conscious of the surrounding world without ever considering (my) body as a separate entity apart from the world that it existed. I did not question the existence of the world or for that matter the body itself. Everything was happening spontaneously and there was no "me" to question or judge anything. Slowly over the course of time, my parents and society conditioned this no-entity to believe that the body was an entity that they gave a name to. I was called by a name and when I responded to the sound, I was rewarded with a smile or a caress. Soon, I came to believe that I am the body and the thoughts and feelings belong to me. I began to see the world as separate from me. As the years passed by the conditioning only strengthened and along with it came the various judgements about everything in the world. I was told a list of things to do and not to do. I was told what was right and what was wrong based on my parents and society expectations.

Over the years this same psycho-somatic entity that I called "me" assumed various identities. I was initially a little boy, then a student, then a college graduate, then an employed worker, then a husband and later a father. Along with all of these changing identities, came the physical changes in the body and the mind, which I called my body and my mind. I identified myself with this body and mind and suffered along with it. I associated myself with the various thoughts, feelings, expressions as my own. Because of my feeling of separation from the world outside, I had fear of the world and wanted the world to conform to my conditioned and narrow definitions of good and bad. When things did not happen the way, I wanted them to happen, I suffered from anxiety and anguish. I somehow felt that I should be able to control the surrounding environment to my liking and thereby avoid any psychological pain. But despite all my efforts the world still produced surprises sometimes to my pleasure and sometimes bringing me pain and sorrow. I accepted these changing identities without ever questioning as to which one of these various identities is the real me. The real should never change. But, I could easily confirm my changing physical appearance, my feelings, thoughts, emotions, senses and physiological processes. I also was under the belief that what is perceivable to the senses is real. So, who was the real me? The student, the worker, the husband, the father, the happy man, the sad man, the anxious man, the upset man, the smiling man, the angry man? Who could I call the real me, the one who has remained unchanged all through these 40 odd years?

Upon investigation guided by my inner Guru, the Sadguru in all of us, the answers appeared spontaneously. The first clarity came that there is actually no entity called "me". In fact, all along, I had falsely assumed that the body and mind were me. The only unchanging fact throughout the 40 odd years was the sense of existence or the "I am". Undeniably, I always knew that I existed. This Knowledge remained unchanged always. Somewhere around 18 months or 2 years of age, I came to know I am. Since, then the sense of I am never left. It was the additional identities that were added to the I am, which kept on changing. First, I am a student. Later, I am a college graduate. Later, I am a employed worker. Later, I am a husband. In all of these assumed identities, the unchanging was the I am. Therefore, I am that by which I know I am. Or to put it bluntly, I am that I am. I am not this or that but just the I am.

So, where did this I am come from. I did not invite it. It came spontaneously to me. Surely, I was there before the knowledge of I am came to me. Who was I then? What was my identity in the womb? What was my identity even prior to that?