Why do the investigation?

Words are themselves an expression in duality. Therefore words by themselves can never describe the One Reality. They can at best be pointers to That. The Guru in whatever form may at best be the guide and point to the Reality. But the eventual "journey" must be done by the one wanting to realize his own Self. When a person is ill, he is the one who has to take the medicine. If someone else takes the medicine for you, it is of no use to you. Same way, if you are hungry, you have to eat the food to satisfy the hunger. Therefore, the investigation into one's own reality has to be done by himself. No one else can do it for him/her. Reading all the scriptures, or books on Advaita Vedanta, attending the sessions of a physical Guru are only guides and pointers to the Truth. Only by personal investigation, driven by an earnest desire, can one discover the Truth or the Reality of one's own true nature.

Who is the "my"?

Continuing on the investigation into the real subject, when one speaks of "my body" or "my mind", it is obvious that the "my"indicates the subject and the "body" is the object. The "my" is the knower of the object "body" or the "mind". From this simple discussion, logically neither the body nor the mind is the "me". Then who is this "me"? Ponder over this and really, really explore within to seek out the "me".

Can your true identity be conceptualized?

When investigated, the mind is nothing but a bundle of thoughts. It has no independent existence whatsoever apart from the consciousness. The mind can only conceptualize anything in terms of space and time. Every object that is conceived must occupy space and must be present for a duration of time for it to be conceived by the mind. The absence of conceptualization is the absence of space and time. In deep dreamless sleep, there are no thoughts and there is no identity whatsoever. You are essentially a no-thing and yet you still are for you wake up in the morning and immediately can say "I am". By knowing that you are a no-thing, is it not the absence of conceptualization? Therefore, is it not true that conceptualization is possible only in the presence of consciousness? If so, is it not absurd for the mind which is itself an object in consciousness, to try to conceptualize the consciousness? Is it possible for the eye to see itself? How can an object see the subject? If so, the object would be the subject itself!! The shadow can never know the substance of which it is the shadow!!

Your true identity, which is Awareness ( or whatever word you want to give it, it does not matter) is beyond conceptualization because all concepts are an appearance in Awareness.

To put it simply, the world is an appearance in the mind, which in turn cannot but have any independent existence apart from the consciousness, which in turn is but a reflection of Awareness.

Identifying the false Subject called "me"

Today, let me talk about the false subject called "me". Let me give some basic fundamentals. All perception of the outside world occurs through the senses, which must be interpreted by the mind before they can be cognized. Cognition itself is not possible without consciousness. Therefore, all perception is but an appearance in consciousness. What an average person considers as "real" is anything that is perceptible through the senses of vision, touch, taste, hearing etc.. The body is perceptible and is considered as "real". But, as discussed above it is the mind that must interpret the perceptible object before it can be perceived and mind itself cannot be( or exist) without consciousness. Therefore can the body be anything apart from an appearance in consciousness and can it be called "real"?

Going further, let us analyze this further. Investigation into the nature of "I" could be done by a logical process of looking at what is the subject-object relationship. For instance, you see a table from where you are sitting. The table is the object and you are the subject. Let us call the table the "not-I"( the object) and you are the "I" (the subject). If the object is removed the subject still remains. If the table is removed you (the "I") are still there. In this vein, at this very moment can you see and know the existence of your body? Of course, yes. You know you have a body. In that case, you are the "I" and the body is the "not-I"( the object). In the same way, you know your mind, you know your thoughts, you know your feelings etc. You ("I") are the subject and the mind, thoughts, feelings are the "not-I" (the objects). Therefore you ( the "I") are neither the body nor the mind or any of the other emotions. If you say there is another "I" (subject) that knows the "I" then you are objectifying the subject "I". Therefore the Subject "I" can never be subject to objectification. It is clear that the "I" can never be known but one can only be it. There can be only One Subject and that is the "I". The "I" is the same in all of us.

Then why do we consider ourselves as different individuals? All objects are cognized in consciousness and this includes the body-mind entity. You know you are. You know you exist. The consciousness is the cognizer. Everything is an object that is cognized by the consciousness. The cognizer-object ( that is the body-mind entity) falsely thinks of itself as the Cognizer and falsely perceives all others as cognized-objects and therefore different and apart from it. In reality, however, the cognizer-object and the cognized-objects are both objects in consciousness. It is this false identity with the cognizer-object ( the "me") that results in suffering. Once, this is clearly apperceived essentially by "no-one", the false identity (the "me") falls away effortlessly. All that you really are is the non-conceptual Awareness, which is your true identity.

The False "Me"

Was I really born? If so, how come I did not experience my birth? I had no knowledge of my own birth. I did not choose my parents either. The exact time of my conception was also not decided by my parents. I was told by my parents that I was born on so and so date.I was given a name and was told that the familiar individuals who took care of me were my parents. I did not know who I was. I only was conscious of the surrounding world without ever considering (my) body as a separate entity apart from the world that it existed. I did not question the existence of the world or for that matter the body itself. Everything was happening spontaneously and there was no "me" to question or judge anything. Slowly over the course of time, my parents and society conditioned this no-entity to believe that the body was an entity that they gave a name to. I was called by a name and when I responded to the sound, I was rewarded with a smile or a caress. Soon, I came to believe that I am the body and the thoughts and feelings belong to me. I began to see the world as separate from me. As the years passed by the conditioning only strengthened and along with it came the various judgements about everything in the world. I was told a list of things to do and not to do. I was told what was right and what was wrong based on my parents and society expectations.

Over the years this same psycho-somatic entity that I called "me" assumed various identities. I was initially a little boy, then a student, then a college graduate, then an employed worker, then a husband and later a father. Along with all of these changing identities, came the physical changes in the body and the mind, which I called my body and my mind. I identified myself with this body and mind and suffered along with it. I associated myself with the various thoughts, feelings, expressions as my own. Because of my feeling of separation from the world outside, I had fear of the world and wanted the world to conform to my conditioned and narrow definitions of good and bad. When things did not happen the way, I wanted them to happen, I suffered from anxiety and anguish. I somehow felt that I should be able to control the surrounding environment to my liking and thereby avoid any psychological pain. But despite all my efforts the world still produced surprises sometimes to my pleasure and sometimes bringing me pain and sorrow. I accepted these changing identities without ever questioning as to which one of these various identities is the real me. The real should never change. But, I could easily confirm my changing physical appearance, my feelings, thoughts, emotions, senses and physiological processes. I also was under the belief that what is perceivable to the senses is real. So, who was the real me? The student, the worker, the husband, the father, the happy man, the sad man, the anxious man, the upset man, the smiling man, the angry man? Who could I call the real me, the one who has remained unchanged all through these 40 odd years?

Upon investigation guided by my inner Guru, the Sadguru in all of us, the answers appeared spontaneously. The first clarity came that there is actually no entity called "me". In fact, all along, I had falsely assumed that the body and mind were me. The only unchanging fact throughout the 40 odd years was the sense of existence or the "I am". Undeniably, I always knew that I existed. This Knowledge remained unchanged always. Somewhere around 18 months or 2 years of age, I came to know I am. Since, then the sense of I am never left. It was the additional identities that were added to the I am, which kept on changing. First, I am a student. Later, I am a college graduate. Later, I am a employed worker. Later, I am a husband. In all of these assumed identities, the unchanging was the I am. Therefore, I am that by which I know I am. Or to put it bluntly, I am that I am. I am not this or that but just the I am.

So, where did this I am come from. I did not invite it. It came spontaneously to me. Surely, I was there before the knowledge of I am came to me. Who was I then? What was my identity in the womb? What was my identity even prior to that?