Your Identity is the Cause of Suffering

 If a seeker is asked why they commenced on this spiritual journey, most if not all, will reply that they are suffering. Many may associate this feeling of suffering with emotional states of depression or anxiety  or low self esteem, or incompleteness, or absence of worldly possessions or obstacles to fulfillment of desires. They look all over for an end to whatever they are suffering from. Hence the large number of self help resources available to mankind. But even a sincere seeker, rarely if ever questions - " who is this 'I' or 'me' that is suffering?"

Not surprisingly, the answer to this very question will put an end to all suffering. Yes, all suffering.  For anyone to suffer, there must be an entity that "suffers".  Hence, it is very important to find out "who is suffering?". The answer that comes to mind immediately is - " I am suffering".  Let us break this sentence up for better understanding. There is obviously here a presumed subject - "I".  If one can focus their complete attention on figuring out this "I", a lot would be accomplished.  You may ask - " How can that be possible? ". Well, let us see.

You have taken it for granted that you are the body-mind entity.  An individual, "I" with a unique body and mind, unlike anyone else that is around.  Is this assumption correct? Can the body say it is "I"? The body is made up of the five elements - mostly water, but also minerals (earth), air, space and heat (fire). Can any of these elements say "I am" or " I exist"? Can water ever say - " I am water"? Can earth say _" I am earth"?  And so on. The body being made up of insentient elements cannot obviously say "I ".  A dead body does not say " I am dead". The body is right there, but the one saying "I" is no more.  So, who or what is this "I"? And where did this "I" go (if at all)? Would you not want to know now ?  

The Pure Consciousness does not say "I".  In deep sleep, in the absence of the body-mind, is there any feeling or sense of "I"?  However, it cannot be denied that there is an "I" that is aware of the state of sleeping. For, is it not the same "I" that is present in all the three states of waking, dream and deep sleep? Upon awakening by stating - " I slept happily", one indicates that he or she was present during the state of deep sleep.  

If the Pure Consciousness does not say "I" and the body does not say "I", would you not want to know who exactly says "I"? Or better still, find out where does this idea of "I" come from? What is absent during deep sleep is the mind which is present in the state of waking. What arises upon waking is this spontaneous arising of the "I-thought" along with the world. The first thought that arises is "I". All other thoughts are linked to this "I-thought". Can a thought be you? Or are you the one who is aware of the thoughts? 

The "I-thought" is the ego or the idea of being an individual with a body and mind. When the source of the "I-thought" is pursued, the "I-thought" vanishes thereby revealing the "I-less -I" which is self shining.  This "I-I " is not an object of perception. It is only when the false "I" ( the I-thought) upon inquiry vanishes, that the Source ( which is the "Real I") reveals itself. 

The cause of all suffering is the false identification with the body-mind entity. One falsely assumes that he or she is an individual with a body and a mind and hence suffers the vicissitudes of the body and mind. By taking something that is not you, as yourself, you have brought upon suffering.  The only way to end this suffering caused by misidentification is to find out your correct identification. This has to be done by you and none other.  Just like a sick person who can benefit only if he takes the medicine. If someone else takes the medicine the sick person still remains sick. The only way is to do Self Inquiry.

Just Focus Your Attention on the "I"

When it comes to the spiritual practice of Self Inquiry, it is actually very simple.  However, because it is approached improperly, it seems complicated or even impossible. Let us look at this issue in some detail.

When a seeker first comes to the topic of Non-duality or Advaita, he or she (going forwards for sake of ease of writing, only the pronoun "he" shall be used although it encompasses all) approaches it like any other objective knowledge.  He takes for granted that he is an entity -  the idea that "I am a body made up of flesh and bones" - who is going to study and attain knowledge about the non-dual Reality just like he would any other objective knowledge. While initially this approach is perfectly alright, eventually difficulty will be encountered. By this approach, only an inferential knowledge can be gained. Meaning thereby, one can understand some of the basic principles about the Unreal and the Real. However,  Knowledge about the Ultimate Reality will not be obtained by this method. 

As long as one does inquiry of the Self maintaining a separate and independent idea or conviction of being a body-mind entity, there is no hope of realizing the Self. The Self is not some thing that is to be attained. Such an approach will only lead one down a rabbit hole of innumerable concepts about the nature of the Self, all of which would be false since they are just concepts.  The non-conceptual Self cannot be known in the form of concepts!

In Self Inquiry, the most important investigation is actually to find out if and where the "I" exists.  Yes, this "I' is the same "I am the body with a mind" entity we are talking about - i.e. you, the reader.  Let us see, right here and now, if there is actually an entity that is reading this passage. In this case, the passage is the object of the vision and there is apparently an entity calling himself the "reader' of this passage (the subject). To keep things simple, the passage appears as an image on the retina of the eye thereby triggering electrical impulses. The electrical impulses travel via the Optic Nerve and reach the portion of the brain called the Visual Cortex. So far, so good.  But, is there really some entity or someone who is analyzing the electrical information? Look carefully to see if there is really an entity, an occupant in the solid mass of tissue called the brain, who is looking out through the windows called the eyes and then declaring " I am seeing". Or, as is obvious on careful analysis, what is obviously a mass of water and other elements (constituting the brain) is incapable of actually "seeing" or even "analyzing" the information received at the visual cortex.  So, who is this "I" that is apparently reading or analyzing the information and where is the location for this "I"? The same investigation can be done for other actions or sensations that are perceived by the body.  Further, the same investigation can be done asking - who is the "feeler" or the "thinker"?

So, it becomes clear from the inquiry, that there is a mysterious entity called "I"- an owner occupant-  that takes ownership of the body and all its actions and also ownership of the thoughts and feelings.  One must investigate, who exactly is this "I" who has appeared in the waking and the dream states to take ownership of the body and mind? However, this "I", along with the world of objects seems to somehow disappear or subside in deep dreamless sleep. Yet, when one wakes up from sleep, one usually has memory of having slept as is obvious, when upon waking, one states - " I slept happily".  It is obvious that there is some other non-entity that is aware of the three states of wakefulness, dream and deep sleep and yet is unaffected by all these states. That which is beyond these three states is referred to as the "Turiya" (literally meaning the fourth). However, it is not a state since the other three states appear in it. To avoid going down the rabbit hole, let us get back to you - the "I" - the doer, the reader, the thinker, the feeler, the perceiver, the sufferer, the enjoyer etc.

There are many other investigative methods mentioned in the Advaitic literature and shastras. Regardless of which method you use, the focus of attention should always be on this " I am the body" idea. Where did the idea or thought "I am the body" arise from? What is the source? Is the "I" an entity or is it just a thought?  What are thoughts? Is there any such thing called the "mind"? Or is the mind just thoughts and nothing else? Hang on to the "I -thought" once you have established that it is just a thought. Is it not true that all other thoughts are anchored to this "I- thought"? Can other thoughts exist in the absence of the "I-thought"? Do you exist in the absence of thoughts? 

Knowing the Self is being the Self. When the idea of individuality disappears, the Self which is always self shining and always here and now becomes self evident. No one has to go searching for the Sun using a lamp! Eventually, you will realize that the entire exercise of self inquiry is being played out in the mind, which in itself has no existence apart from the Self. It is ONLY when the mind finally becomes STILL, that the Pure Awareness shines through. The way to stillness is to inquire who is this "I" and the "I" disappears like a ghost or phantom - as it no longer has any object or form to hold on to. Stillness is beingness. 

The Self and I - The practice of Self Inquiry

The practice of Self Inquiry is recommended as a practical approach to Self Realization. However, to the seeker, although it may seem as a simple practical method, it presents many doubts and difficulties. When one starts out on the journey of discovery of one's own self, the biggest obstacle is the conditioned mentality that the self is something other than "I' or "me"(this mind-body entity which we call "I"). Is the self to be explored as we would any objective thing? Is the self something other than the one who is exploring? In that case, who is the one exploring the self? What exactly is the meaning of inquiry into the self?  When I say, "I" does it denote the self or the ego?

To understand, it would be appropriate to use the well known story of the Snake and the Rope. For those of you who are wondering what the story is all about, we will have a brief version of the story presented here. There are perhaps many versions of the story but hopefully this serves the purpose.

The Snake and the Rope Story: In ancient India, a peasant after having finished his work in the fields was heading back home. The walk back home was through the fields. There was just one narrow path back home and no other path available. It was late in the evening and the sun had set leaving just enough light in the sky to barely be able to make out the path ahead. As this tired peasant was walking along the path, he noticed something in his path ahead. It was coiled up object on the ground. He immediately panicked thinking it is a poisonous snake and started running in the opposite direction. Another man was also walking along the same path a few hundred feet behind the peasant. He had an oil lamp in hand to guide him along the path as it was fairly dark by now. He saw the peasant running towards him and asked him the reason for his panic. When the peasant explained to him that there was a snake lying curled up right in the middle of the path, the man with the lamp calmed him down and suggested they take a closer look at the object on the ground before deciding what to do next. The peasant readily agreed to this suggestion. They decided to take a wooden stick along with them just to be safe. and they both headed back down the path to the spot where the coiled up object was on the ground. They approached it very carefully holding the lamp up front for better visibility. As the lamp cast its light on the object, it became obvious that it was just a coiled up piece of rope. There was actually no snake and the peasant had obviously mistaken the rope for a snake in the dim light of dusk. Feeling foolish at his false assumption, the peasant thanked the man with the lamp and they both headed along the path.

The ego is none other than the self. The self is the only reality and there is none other than the self. In non-duality, there is no place for duality. Consciousness comes into existence only by grasping a form . It can flourish only by grasping to a form or body. The consciousness (chit) when aware of the body attaches itself to the body and creates the notion of the first person "I am this body". This notion of being a person, or first person, is the ego. As Bhagawan Ramana Maharshi says, "the ego is the knot (granthi)that binds the consciousness (chit) to the non-conscious(jada -the body)". Hence, the ego is none other than the consciousness attached to the body and thoughts(mind)-the adjuncts.

The ego is like the snake in the rope. The rope is the reality and the snake is the appearance (on the substratum of the rope). When looked for carefully, the ego disappears, just like the snake disappears when looked for in the rope.The snake like the ego is a delusion, an imagination, which does not really exist other than as a thought. Whereas the rope is like the self, the reality, on which the appearance of the snake has come about. The ego cannot be without the self. The self however IS, regardless of the ego being present or absent. Without the rope there is no question of a mistaken appearance of the snake.

When inquiring "who am I?", the attentiveness should be directed ONLY to the "I" portion of the "I am so and so" or "I am the body".  It does not matter whether the seeker is thinking this "I" is the self or the ego. As noted above, the ego and the self are the one and the same. If inquiring into the "I" as the ego, then one is inquiring as to where the "I" came from. When one is inquiring into the "I" as the self, then one is inquiring into the nature of the "I", since the self does not have a source and does not arise from somewhere. Self inquiry is none other than self-attentiveness. Self attentiveness is none other than attentiveness to our very being. And being is itself none other than attention or consciousness or awareness of existence (sat-chit)

It is now obvious that the aim of practice of Self-Inquiry is to gradually destroy this false notion of being some body and to repeatedly bring our attention back to who we really, really, are i.e. just this being. With repeated and constant practice, one does not fall prey to the delusion of being so and so. The delusion continues as long as the inquiry is done with an impure mind (just like the snake appears only in the dim light). However, when looked at in the presence of a pure mind, the light of the lamp (Knowledge) destroys the false appearance of a snake (Ignorance) and thereby exposes the rope (Reality).

Are You Out of Your Mind?

When one is instructed to focus on the Self, one believes that it means to focus the mind on an objective Self. The reflected light of the mind allows one to perceive objects of the outer world. But, that is not what the Guru has told you to do in the process of Self Inquiry. In fact, the Self being called by various names including the Heart, leads one to believe that it is some thing inside the body. In fact, there is confusion created in the mind of the seeker, when he/she hears of the Heart being on the right side of the chest, whereas we all know that the physical heart is on the left side of the chest. But that is not what the Guru is pointing to.  The Guru is only trying to guide your mind towards the source of the "I". The reason as to why the right side of the chest is pointed to is obvious when you consider that in every culture,  a person will always point to the right side of the chest when he/she wants to point to himself or herself.

The Self (or the Heart) is actually neither inside nor outside the body and both inside and outside the body. It is like space without any conditioning whatsoever, including the objective description of space. It is beyond or prior to time and space. Time and space are concepts created by the mind.

In fact, what is self luminous, like the Self, does not need the reflected light of the mind to be seen. Just like the sun does not need the light of a lamp to be seen. It is only in darkness (of ignorance) that one needs a light to be able to see. Similarly, the reflected light of the mind is needed only to see one's own ignorance.

To find your self you have to focus your mind on IT. What then does focusing the mind on the Self mean? It means that instead of focusing the mind on what is outside, such as the body or the objects in the world, one has to TURN the MIND INWARDS towards its SOURCE. As the mind turns its attention inwards it loses itself, leaving the glory of the Self to shine forth effortlessly. What you really, really ARE, is OUT of your Mind!!

The Mysterious "I"

We are back to talking about you. Yes, "you", that you are used to saying as "I".  That same "I", the first person, which you have taken for granted and never bothered to investigate. You may say "Pray, what has that got to do with my search for God or inner peace?". The answer may surprise you since it has everything to do with your search for inner peace. In fact, it is upon discovering the True Nature of "I", that you will find what you have been looking for all this while. Some may come across this essay out of curiosity and walk away with some wonderment and bewilderment. Others may spend some time thinking about the "I" and get back to whatever else they were doing. Yet, a few of you who read this will not stop till you get the answer to the question " Who am I?". Before we go any further, there is a disclosure or disclaimer to be made by this author.  BE WARNED: The search for the mysterious "I" shall draw you in till you disappear. Now, are you ready for the journey of discovery?

We look to science or philosophy to give us answers about the world that we live in. In fact, we look to science or philosophy to give us answers about ourselves. That is because we consider ourselves to be this body. To be precise, depending on whether you live in the East or the West, what we consider to be "I' or this entity that claims to exist in this body, is somewhere in the upper half of the body. If you are from the Eastern parts of the world, you may point to the area of the heart or the solar plexus when you say "I". On the other hand, if you are from the Western parts of the world, you are convinced that this entity called "me" or "I" is somewhere in the space behind the eyes and between the ears. This "I" takes ownership of this body in a way that convinces all that not only is this "I" in the body but also owns the body just like you would own a car or a house. It is therefore common in all languages to say "My body" or "My hand" or "My heart", just like one would say "My car", or "My house" etc. This "I" also will claim responsibility for only some of the actions of the body. For instance, people may say "I am eating" or "I am breathing" or "I am growing out my hair". Yet, this "I" will not claim to some actions like the beating of the heart or the pumping of the blood by the heart. You will not hear people say "I am pumping the blood in the heart"! Instead, it is common to say "My heart is pumping the blood", just like you may say, "My car is running well" or "My air conditioner pumps out cold air". Despite these clear signals to the mystery of the entity called "I" in the spoken language,  pointing to the confused identity of "I", there is still a strong association of the "I" with the body.  The reason is that since the time we were very young children, we have been fed this concept of being the body. The mother and father, will repeatedly correct a young child speaking in the third person. When a child says "John is hungry" or "John wants to go potty", the parents will correct him by teaching him to say " I am hungry" or "I want to go potty". Over the years, teachers and society reinforce the idea that this "I" is indeed the body and is existing somewhere in the body. By the time you are reading this, you are absolutely sure (and perhaps confused!) that you are indeed the body.

Yet, the rare one will question the location of this "I" and will start the inquiry into its very existence as an entity. Assuming it is somewhere in the region of the brain or the head, when one opens up the skull, there is nowhere that one can find "me". Of course, it is unlikely you will open up your own skull to look for "I"!  Whether it is the scientist or the pathologist looking at the brain or a neurosurgeon looking at a live and functioning brain, the location of this entity called "me" or "I" remains a mystery. In fact, it is like opening up the transistor radio.   All children are enamored by the sound of a person emanating from the radio. In fact, most children imagine a person inside the radio who is speaking. Yet, when the radio is opened up or dismantled, there is no person inside. In the same way, when one searches for the entity that claims to do the body actions, one is unable to find an exact location for it.

With this type of reasoning, one should go about looking for the "I". It is only when one has a sincere desire to complete this mission, will the Guru appear out of nowhere and lead you to the Source of the I. It will become completely clear that the one who says "I" is not a separate individual encased in a body with two eyes and ears and one mouth, but indeed a Universal "I" without shape or form, a non-entity, whose existence cannot be denied and at the same time is neither in the body nor outside the body. A Non-entity that is everywhere and yet nowhere, a Non-entity that is  all and none. A Non-entity that is all objects and yet is not an object.

Yes, indeed, I am a mystery. Yet, I will reveal Myself to anyone who is sincere in the search for Me. For I am the Guru AND the disciple. I am NOT an individual and yet I am ALL individuals. In fact, I am ALL there IS.

A Case of Mistaken Identity

If you are really wondering what this teaching is all about, it can be put simply as a case of mistaken identity. What is at the crux of the quest for the Truth is not so much about the nature of Truth. It is all about your identity. Yes, your identity. This identity of yourself that you so much believe in and are convinced of its authenticity. This identity that you have a name and a form, the body. This identity that you so proudly proclaim as "me" and "mine".

You can never know the Truth as such. What you can know is the false as false. In doing so, the Truth becomes self evident. You may now ask as to what exactly is false. Everything you know is false since the basic premise that you are an entity, an entity with a name and a body is false. Only by inquiring into the nature of this entity called "me" can you really unravel this mystery.  All the reading and listening is not going to unravel the mystery.  It is only when one starts to ponder over his or her own identity does the answer come all by itself.

Your True Nature is the Absolute where there is no "I".  There should be no doubt about your True Nature as the Absolute (Parabrahman) and all else is false as you will Realize as you continue to investigate into your identity. Now, because you consider yourself to be this body and mind, it would be appropriate to start right here and slowly unravel the mystery of your identity by going backwards. The body is inanimate and it does not say "I". To make this clear, a dead body does not proclaim "I am dead". So, there must be some other factor that gives rise to the impression of "I" or the knowledge of being, or the knowledge of existence. Let us call this knowledge, consciousness. It is this consciousness, which is formless, that is responsible for the sense of being. When this consciousness mistakenly (for ease of understanding) identifies itself with the body, it gives rise to the concept of being an individual, the "I" or "me". Having now identified itself with the body and thinking that it is indeed the body, and having created this concept of being a person or individual, there is a feeling of separation and suffering or the feeling of something missing. The consciousness identified as an individual (Jeeva) feels incomplete and starts the search for the missing bit of information that will give it satisfaction or bliss (ananda).  When the individual with the help of the Guru, comes to the clear conviction that all there is, is consciousness, then there is peace or contentment. When the individual realizes that the basic premise or idea of being an individual ("I" or "me") is false, and that the Real Self is none other than the consciousness, it is called Self Realization.  In effect, the individual has disappeared in favor of the Real Self. It is only when the "I" disappears that the Real Self becomes evident.

Find out if you are individual and if so, what and where are you? Conviction comes with knowledge.  Know Thy Self.

Awareness is Self Evident

Awareness is self evident.  It indicates that contains its own proof of existence without any other need for demonstration. It is not only self evident but most obvious meaning easily recognized. At this very moment, the reader is aware. No one needs to point out to you, the reader, that you are aware. Can you deny your awareness at this very moment? Obviously, not! Then, why is it that you are in search for the most obvious and self evident? Aha! Here is something that now needs to be investigated by none other than you. Thats right. YOU are going to investigate who is it that wants to seek out awareness. There lies the answer and an end to the seeking.

Awareness has no particular shape, size, form or name. It is not something that can be grasped by the mind in the objective sense. If you are asked " Are you aware?", you answer, " yes, I am aware". If only you could stop there, the answer would be complete. But, then, you go on to answer " I am aware. I am John (or so and so)". If it would make it easier for you to understand, perhaps you could replace the word 'aware' with the word 'awake' and yet it would lead you to the same understanding. What did you do to be aware or awake? Did not awareness or wakefulness just come spontaneously? If you try to attach any attribute to awareness, all you come up with is nothing.  There are no attributes that you can add to awareness when left as it is. Awareness just is. No denying of the fact that you are aware, right now and right here.

Now, you may wonder, how a "me" came into the picture.  Precisely, a "me" comes and goes, and yet the awareness remains. This is evident to everyone, in the state of deep sleep there is no "me" and yet there is awareness. Every perception including perception of thoughts happens in awareness. Thoughts come and go and yet awareness remains as it is. Yet it is a strange mystery of nature, that in this awareness, the "I-thought" is somehow considered to be a real entity with substance and independence. Because, the "I-thought" is considered to be something substantial,  a story is built on this "I-thought".  This "I-thought" which is nothing but a transient, non-entity called "me" or "mine", wants to seek and find awareness in the world of objects and other perceptions. This "me" completely forgets wherefrom it came into the field of perception. The "me" is but a transient thought with no substance or independence by itself. Can one have thoughts without awareness? Are not thoughts by themselves an object of awareness? Amazing, isn't it?

So, self inquiry or the investigation of the self is not into awareness (which you already are), but into establishing the falseness of the "I" or the "me" or "mine". The awareness is self shining like the sun. One does not need a lamp to go out to look for sunlight. In the same way, awareness is obvious and self evident. What is needed is just an investigation into the nature of one's delusion into thinking that one is an individual entity.  Rather, why not just be as you are, just the pure awareness?