The Self and I - The practice of Self Inquiry

The practice of Self Inquiry is recommended as a practical approach to Self Realization. However, to the seeker, although it may seem as a simple practical method, it presents many doubts and difficulties. When one starts out on the journey of discovery of one's own self, the biggest obstacle is the conditioned mentality that the self is something other than "I' or "me"(this mind-body entity which we call "I"). Is the self to be explored as we would any objective thing? Is the self something other than the one who is exploring? In that case, who is the one exploring the self? What exactly is the meaning of inquiry into the self?  When I say, "I" does it denote the self or the ego?

To understand, it would be appropriate to use the well known story of the Snake and the Rope. For those of you who are wondering what the story is all about, we will have a brief version of the story presented here. There are perhaps many versions of the story but hopefully this serves the purpose.

The Snake and the Rope Story: In ancient India, a peasant after having finished his work in the fields was heading back home. The walk back home was through the fields. There was just one narrow path back home and no other path available. It was late in the evening and the sun had set leaving just enough light in the sky to barely be able to make out the path ahead. As this tired peasant was walking along the path, he noticed something in his path ahead. It was coiled up object on the ground. He immediately panicked thinking it is a poisonous snake and started running in the opposite direction. Another man was also walking along the same path a few hundred feet behind the peasant. He had an oil lamp in hand to guide him along the path as it was fairly dark by now. He saw the peasant running towards him and asked him the reason for his panic. When the peasant explained to him that there was a snake lying curled up right in the middle of the path, the man with the lamp calmed him down and suggested they take a closer look at the object on the ground before deciding what to do next. The peasant readily agreed to this suggestion. They decided to take a wooden stick along with them just to be safe. and they both headed back down the path to the spot where the coiled up object was on the ground. They approached it very carefully holding the lamp up front for better visibility. As the lamp cast its light on the object, it became obvious that it was just a coiled up piece of rope. There was actually no snake and the peasant had obviously mistaken the rope for a snake in the dim light of dusk. Feeling foolish at his false assumption, the peasant thanked the man with the lamp and they both headed along the path.

The ego is none other than the self. The self is the only reality and there is none other than the self. In non-duality, there is no place for duality. Consciousness comes into existence only by grasping a form . It can flourish only by grasping to a form or body. The consciousness (chit) when aware of the body attaches itself to the body and creates the notion of the first person "I am this body". This notion of being a person, or first person, is the ego. As Bhagawan Ramana Maharshi says, "the ego is the knot (granthi)that binds the consciousness (chit) to the non-conscious(jada -the body)". Hence, the ego is none other than the consciousness attached to the body and thoughts(mind)-the adjuncts.

The ego is like the snake in the rope. The rope is the reality and the snake is the appearance (on the substratum of the rope). When looked for carefully, the ego disappears, just like the snake disappears when looked for in the rope.The snake like the ego is a delusion, an imagination, which does not really exist other than as a thought. Whereas the rope is like the self, the reality, on which the appearance of the snake has come about. The ego cannot be without the self. The self however IS, regardless of the ego being present or absent. Without the rope there is no question of a mistaken appearance of the snake.

When inquiring "who am I?", the attentiveness should be directed ONLY to the "I" portion of the "I am so and so" or "I am the body".  It does not matter whether the seeker is thinking this "I" is the self or the ego. As noted above, the ego and the self are the one and the same. If inquiring into the "I" as the ego, then one is inquiring as to where the "I" came from. When one is inquiring into the "I" as the self, then one is inquiring into the nature of the "I", since the self does not have a source and does not arise from somewhere. Self inquiry is none other than self-attentiveness. Self attentiveness is none other than attentiveness to our very being. And being is itself none other than attention or consciousness or awareness of existence (sat-chit)

It is now obvious that the aim of practice of Self-Inquiry is to gradually destroy this false notion of being some body and to repeatedly bring our attention back to who we really, really, are i.e. just this being. With repeated and constant practice, one does not fall prey to the delusion of being so and so. The delusion continues as long as the inquiry is done with an impure mind (just like the snake appears only in the dim light). However, when looked at in the presence of a pure mind, the light of the lamp (Knowledge) destroys the false appearance of a snake (Ignorance) and thereby exposes the rope (Reality).

Mind is a Manifestation of Ignorance

A common question that arises for the seeker is " how did the I, the Pure Self, the Infinite Lord, become this little self, the ego?". It is a very valid question as the Guru has repeatedly emphasized that you are none other than the Absolute, the Self. One must wonder as to how the Self got contaminated, so to speak, and become this imperfect self, the ego. The answer to this question again depends on the level of maturity of the seeker. Or rather, from what level of understanding is the seeker approaching this question. For those who can accept the teaching of the Guru, the answer is simply "no particular cause". But, the seeker may not be satisfied with that answer and may continue to wonder or become frustrated for a lack of answer.

To understand this better it is essential for the seeker to undertake a detailed and in-depth study of Vedanta. The important thing to note though is that a study of the subject of Vedanta is in itself not enough.  It is important to arrange the ideas that arise from this study in a correct order and to be able to cogitate and meditate on the matter on a daily basis.

It is important to understand that all such questions arise only in the mind. You do not ask these or any other questions when you are in deep sleep. Hence, an easy way may be to find out what exactly is the mind. Once, the nature of the mind is figured out, then the contents of the mind can be more easily figured out.

The mind appears and disappears in a 24 hour period. The mind is absent in deep sleep but is fully functional in the wakeful state and partially so in the dream state. So, what exactly is the mind? Is it a thing?Is it present in the brain as you may be postulating?  Just so you know, neuroscience has not yet figured out the exact location of what you may call the "mind". The mind is nothing but thoughts. And thoughts do not have any material mass. To go deeper into the understanding of the mind, one has to go deeper into the understanding of the "person" investigating it.

It boils down to understanding this "I", the "person", the "individual", the self, who is investigating the mind and all other questions about Vedanta. At this juncture, you have the choice of investigating the nature of your self or investigating the nature of the mind. By investigating the nature of your Self, you will without any effort get an answer about the nature of the mind.

But, those who do not want to wait till they find out the nature of the Self, may want an easy answer to the nature of the mind. For this answer, while there are many texts in Vedanta that will answer it, none is more easy to understand than the introduction to Vedanta " Vivekachoodamani" or "The Crest Jewel of Discrimination" written as 580 verses by the great Adi Shankaracharya in the eight century A.D. In this text, the Acharya explains that due to ignorance, man identifies the Self with the not-Self thereby bringing about bondage and the miseries of birth and death. He considers the perishable body as real and nourishes and cherishes it. As a result, he becomes bound much like the silk-worm in its cocoon, woven by its own threads. This bondage comes about due to the fact that you forgot your true self. The cause of this forgetfulness is ignorance (avidya). The acharya gives a wonderful example of the moon(mind) eclipsing the sun(Self) from the observer (me). As long as there is this mind between me and my Self, the glory of the Self is eclipsed from me. Mind being a manifestation of ignorance (avidya) has to be transcended to realize the Self and thereby bring about an end to the idea of bondage and the sufferings associated with it.

Dispel Doubts with Discrimination

As with any knowledge, doubts arise and need to be cleared routinely. Similarly, it is not uncommon for the seeker of liberation to have doubts about the teachings of Advaita or non-duality. In fact, there can be a feeling of despondency when doubts overwhelm the mind of the seeker. There is even the doubt if pursuit of Self-Knowledge is worth the effort. Especially, when statements like " It does not matter if one is knowledgeable or ignorant. Both are the same and equal" are heard or read, it makes the doubts even stronger. Why struggle for Knowledge if eventually it is all the same. At the same time, one realizes the lingering feeling of discontent and lack of peace and even if the idea of further pursuit of liberation through Knowledge is temporarily given up, one continues to seek contentment. Feeling of bondage results in discontentment. As long as there is lack of contentment, one cannot claim to be free or liberated. It is at such times that power of discrimination helps. The power of discrimination helps achieve Knowledge. Discrimination between the true and the false. Discrimination between the self and non-self. Discrimination between the gross and the subtle. Discrimination between the transient and the permanent. Discrimination between the changing and the unchanging.

Realize that work does not get done without effort. Hunger does not get satisfied without food. Liberation does not come about without Knowledge. In the same vein, if I eat, only my hunger gets satisfied and not everyone's hunger. Only if I swim, will I not drown in water. If someone else is swimming in the same body of water, it will not prevent me from drowning. In the same way, if I want liberation, I must be the one to get Self-Knowledge. It is the individual, who imagining himself to be in bondage, has to put in the effort through the power of discrimination to attain Self-Knowledge. One who has attained Self-Knowledge may then exclaim that all of humanity is already liberated. But, the fact remains that for those who feel they are in bondage, this statement does not help. Only when they who are not content, use the power of discrimination to achieve Self-Knowledge, will contentment become possible. Liberation is available to anyone and everyone who uses the power of discrimination to attain Knowledge of the Self. Just like only light can dispel darkness, only knowledge can dispel ignorance.

One who knows nothing is said to be ignorant (ajnani). One who knows everything is said to be Knowledgeable (jnani). One who has given up all knowledge after attaining it, becomes one with the Supreme (vigjnani).

Are You Out of Your Mind?

When one is instructed to focus on the Self, one believes that it means to focus the mind on an objective Self. The reflected light of the mind allows one to perceive objects of the outer world. But, that is not what the Guru has told you to do in the process of Self Inquiry. In fact, the Self being called by various names including the Heart, leads one to believe that it is some thing inside the body. In fact, there is confusion created in the mind of the seeker, when he/she hears of the Heart being on the right side of the chest, whereas we all know that the physical heart is on the left side of the chest. But that is not what the Guru is pointing to.  The Guru is only trying to guide your mind towards the source of the "I". The reason as to why the right side of the chest is pointed to is obvious when you consider that in every culture,  a person will always point to the right side of the chest when he/she wants to point to himself or herself.

The Self (or the Heart) is actually neither inside nor outside the body and both inside and outside the body. It is like space without any conditioning whatsoever, including the objective description of space. It is beyond or prior to time and space. Time and space are concepts created by the mind.

In fact, what is self luminous, like the Self, does not need the reflected light of the mind to be seen. Just like the sun does not need the light of a lamp to be seen. It is only in darkness (of ignorance) that one needs a light to be able to see. Similarly, the reflected light of the mind is needed only to see one's own ignorance.

To find your self you have to focus your mind on IT. What then does focusing the mind on the Self mean? It means that instead of focusing the mind on what is outside, such as the body or the objects in the world, one has to TURN the MIND INWARDS towards its SOURCE. As the mind turns its attention inwards it loses itself, leaving the glory of the Self to shine forth effortlessly. What you really, really ARE, is OUT of your Mind!!

The Imperfect and the Perfect

When your True Nature is supposed to be so perfect why is it that you feel imperfect? This is a very common question that arises in the mind of the seeker.  To answer that question it is important to qualify what is imperfect. Well, a person may say that his or her life is "perfect the way it is right now".  In that case, what is the need for searching for any perfection? That is a valid way of thinking and it is perhaps true for some persons to make that statement with a fair amount of certainty in what they are saying at that moment. The question is for how long can one be certain of the status of the current environment that makes one say that it is "perfect as it is right now"?  A small calamity may change one's circumstances in a dramatic way and then would it be possible to say that his or her life is "perfect the way it is right now"?

As long as there are desires of the mind, or the body, or the intellect, there is bound to be imperfection. There is imperfection, as long as there is a need for more knowledge, need for more material wealth, need to be loved, need to be appreciated, need to be accepted, need for recognition, need to add or remove something from what is. Imperfection is the lack of satisfaction with the current status or what is or the lack of certainty of satisfaction of the current status continuing into the future. Nothing in this material world is permanent and all is subject to change, like it or not.

Imperfection is the very nature of one's individual identity or ego (jeeva).  Imperfections are associated with the material envelopments of your True Nature i.e. the body-mind-intellect.  When identified with the body-mind-intellect, you are no longer your True Nature. In your state of Perfection, i.e. your True Nature, you no longer have any association with the material envelopments. There are no needs to be fulfilled, there are no desires to be met, and there is nothing that can be added or removed. Yes, that is perfection.

Neti- Neti or Not This Not This

Water is water, whether it is in a stream, a lake, a river or in an ocean. Space is space whether it is the space in a vessel or the space in a house or the space out in the open. In the same way, consciousness is consciousness and there is nothing apart from consciousness. There is no such entity as individual consciousness and universal consciousness. Yet, this distinction is made in the process of teaching a student so that he or she can comprehend what is being pointed to.  You may question as to why if every one is the same consciousness, should there be the perception that you are a separate being. The answer would be because of ignorance. Because of ignorance, consciousness believes itself to be limited to a particular body and mind, giving rise to the idea of being a separate entity or person. Ignorance is indeed the cause of this false identification. It is this essential false belief that is the basic cause of all suffering. This belief in separation from who you really are. So, how do we get out of this bind?  Luckily, we do not have to reinvent the wheel. The ancient Rishis (sages) have already found many ways in which one can unravel this puzzle.

One of the ways to do so is to use the method of discrimination. By using a discriminating intellect can one  begin to identify the self from the not-self. In ancient Advaitic literature, this method was called "neti- neti" or " not this-not this".  By careful analysis of what is self (atman) and what is not (anatman), one can gradually eliminate all that is not the self. If this method of analysis is done properly and by avoiding any conceptual digression, one can eventually apperceive the Truth.

In fact, you can only know what you are not. Anything that is known can never be the knower since it would immediately become an object and hence does not qualify as a knower anymore. In fact, eventually it becomes clear that there is just "knowing" without a knower and a known. When all that is known has thus been eliminated as not the self, there is just the pure sense of being, the Knowledge of Existence which still persists. One can never eliminate the fact that one exists. This knowledge that "I am" is self evident. It is obvious that you are none other than this Beingness. Don't try to qualify beingness or you will be back in the trap of falseness. Beingness has no quality. Just be.

Your Attitude and Identity Matters in Spiritual Pursuit

In the pursuit of Enlightenment or spiritual practice, whatever you may want to call it, your attitude and your identity matters. You currently identify yourself with the body and the mind. However, you may intellectually understand that you are also the spirit or the Self. At different times, you identify with different aspects of your self. You may at times identify with the body and yet at other times get carried away by the thoughts and identify with the mind and yet at other times on introspection, briefly identify with the deeper aspect of your being.

As an analogy, let us look to the famous Indian Epic called the Ramayana. In it, the character, Rama, who represents the eternal Self, has a monkey-assistant, named Hanuman, who represents the mind (or intellect). In the story, at one point, Rama asks Hanuman, "How do you regard me?". And, Hanuman replies, "when I regard myself as the body, I am your servant; when I regard myself as the soul, I am part of you; but when I regard myself as the Universal Self, I am one with you."

The message from this anecdote is that your approach to spirituality or search for the Self or God, is entirely dependent on your attitude of who you identify yourself with. Or, who you believe yourself to be.  If you identify yourself with the body and mind, then the Self is someone else. There is duality in this instance. More like the subject and object relationship in which you are the subject and Self or God is the object. In the story above, in the first two instances of how Hanuman relates himself to Rama, there is a distinct separation between himself and the object of his reverence, Rama. In the first two instances, Hanuman relates to Rama as either a servant or a part of Rama, but in the third instance, he SEES himself as no different from Rama (Self).

Depending on your attitude about who you think yourself to be determines how you approach spirituality. If you consider yourself to be a separate individual, separate from God or Self, then the path of Bhakti or devotion is what you actually end up pursuing.  Although, you as a soul are not different from God or Self, you feel you are and hence you suffer.  It is just an imagination that you are separate but yet you believe it to be true. In this instance, you long to be one with God or Self and you sing songs of praise of God or Self. You repeat the name of God or Mantra (or Japa) to avoid getting distracted from the thought of God.  You meditate on God or Self in an effort to close the gap between your imagined identity as a separate self, and God. As an analogy, if a wave thinks itself to be separate from the Ocean, it prays to the Ocean to reveal itself for it longs to be one with the Ocean at some time. This is despite the fact that it has never been separate from the Ocean to begin with. Or like the rays of the Sun are no different from the Sun, and yet if the ray feels or thinks of itself as a distinct entity, it longs to be one with the Sun. In the same way you believe yourself to be a separate entity and in desperation pray, meditate, sing bhajans, do japa, in the hope that one day God will reveal Himself to you.  At long last, the clouds of your self imposed ego clear, and the clear Light of the Self shines through in all its glory, and you exclaim in joy " I am the Self and I have never been anything but the Self".

On the other hand, you may be told by your Guru that you are none other than the Self, and because of your complete faith, trust and conviction in the teachings of the Guru you accept His words as such. Or else, you analyze and question the teachings of the Guru and reach the conclusion through direct experience of being the clear Awareness without attributes. You arrive at the conviction that the Guru is indeed correct in saying that you are the SELF and have never been anything but the SELF. This is the path of Jnana or Knowledge.